Atonement
by Bonnie E
Summary: Suikoden V Spoilers Euram Barows is a fool, and he knows it. But does it have to remain this way? The discussion he had with his mother before deciding to change.


_This short has spoilers from Suikoden V, pretty much up to the last couple battles, so you have been warned._

Atonement  
by Bonnie E.

There was a distinct chill in the air as Euram entered the room. It was cast in near darkness, the only light coming from the crack between the drawn curtains. He stood a moment in the doorway, allowing the light from the hallway to stream in and hit his mother's face. She was awake, but unmoving as she laid in her bed, covered by several layers of plush comforters.

Since Euram had been very young, his mother had holed herself up in her room, never coming outside for anything and only allowing guests as she wished. The grief over losing her first son, Hiram, had been too great for her and even now, so many year later, she still harboured that sadness. Sometimes she felt well enough to sit up and get dressed, but apparently this wasn't one of those times.

Euram slunk to the edge of her bed, bowing his head, for a moment unable to look at her. When he cast his gaze on her, he tried to hide any despair he'd been showing. As much as he needed her, he felt wretched for coming in and burdening her with his problems when she was clearly still in so much pain.

Her expression, already even and almost empty, fell a bit more. "Euram, what's wrong?"

_Nothing, mother._

That's what he wanted to say. But that wasn't true, was it?

Why was he even here if nothing was wrong?

The words kept going through his head. Sialeeds' last words to him before she left him all alone.

"Now that an imbecile like you is in charge of the Barows faction, I'm sure it will fall to ruin anyway…"

_Imbecile._

Her words so cutting, so painful. So...true.

Yes, Euram knew it. He always had. It was a reality he hadn't wanted to face, but he'd always known.

Since the day Hiram had died, the task of inheriting the faction one day became a burden Euram didn't want to think about or face. He wanted to grow up and spend his days on much lighter affairs. But…

Why did Hiram have to get himself killed? Why did he get involved in the conflict when it hadn't been his concern?

_Because Hiram was a far better man than you'll ever be. _

_Yes, a much better man that you, Euram, who always acts and speaks without thinking. Who always followed his father's word blindly, not seeing "The Great Salum Barows" for who he was. Or not caring. Because you were exactly like him._

No. Euram was nothing like Salum Barows. His father shed no tears, felt no remorse. When rumours of how and why Hiram was killed reached Rainwall, Salum branded him a traitor to the family and only pretended to care when important people were watching. But not even when they buried Hiram did he show any hint of caring about his son's death at all.

So why had Euram allowed himself to be his father's sycophant? Cowardice? An attempt to impress? Fear of also being cast aside? Likely a bit of each. And because he knew that his father had always favoured Hiram and Luserina. As a child, Euram had been so meek, so small…not worth paying attention to at all. Salum hadn't bothered much with him until he became the heir. Falling into Hiram's place in the family had been difficult for him. And he'd done what he had to do.

Which was no excuse for everything he'd done. And realizing that was the hardest thing to face of all.

Euram gazed into his mother's eyes a moment. How could he ask her this question? And did he really want to hear her answer?

"Mother...do you think I'm a fool? An...imbecile?"

"What do YOU think?"

Euram hung his head. "I am...the biggest fool..."

She responded, "I...am afraid...that I must agree on some counts."

So he had let her down. She did think he was a failure…

"You and your father brought this upon yourselves. You…have committed some truly shameful acts."

"Yes, Mother. I know. I know, and I'm sorry."

Euram's mother nodded slightly. "But it doesn't have to remain that way, son. The man you are now is not who you are. It's who Salum tried to turn you into. Ruthless, thoughtless…just like he was. But that isn't you. It's not who you're supposed to be."

"Not who…I'm supposed to be?"

"You are never going to be a leader. You weren't born to be one. That was Hiram's place. And, from what I see, Luserina's place. But you…are just not the type. But…I mean no bad from that. You don't have to be a leader. I'd rather you find who you are again. Who you were before Salum changed you, my son."

"Who…I was?"

"Euram...you are a Barows. But you are also a Suphina. And Suphinas are historically brave, strong people. I am nothing like my strong sisters, which is why they shipped me off here to Falena to get married in the first place. You are like me in that way. However, I know that you do have some of the Suphina strength inside you. Much more than I have. With whatever strength you can find, I want you to grow up and be a great man. I.have faith that you can do that. Never mind the Barows name. Don't do it for this foolish family. Do it for yourself."

His mother thought he had strength. But…did he really? Would he only let her down again?

"I don't think I can do it. Mother, I honestly...don't know..."

"Don't do too much at once. One small thing at a time. Just do as you feel is right. And hopefully it will lead you to atonement and moving beyond all you have done."

_I should do what is right..._

"I should help the Prince. Assuming he will allow me. But what about you? If I leave, you'll be all alone."

"Do you feel that is what is right?"

"Then don't worry about me. I'll be fine here. Really."

"Are you sure, Mother?"

"Yes. Go, Euram. You know that it's what you want to do."

_Yes. It IS what I want to do. And what I HAVE to do. _

_I can do it, Mother. I want to change. I don't want to be weak anymore. I want to make you proud of me. _

_I WILL make you proud of me._

End

* * *

Author's Notes: _Why Euram? Because, despite all he did, I just couldn't hate him. I have no idea why. And his final atonement is such a wonderful bit of character building, I had to study it a bit. Then again, I always have had a weakness for villains. I ended up even feeling a bit sorry for Marscal, and even sort of liking Gizel in the end._

_Now Salum Barows...I HATE that guy. There's nothing redeemable about him at ALL. The greedy idiot. Argh!_

_As for Euram being part of the Suphina family...yeah. I do mean THAT Suphina family. Because he and Nash HAVE to be related somehow. Just another of my incredibly cracked ideas...sorry.  
_


End file.
